I Didn't Expect It

This morning I expected to smiling and happy. Christmas day is mommy's day. I get my girls today. Even though I've been adjusting to my new solo status, and to the fact that my family has been broken, the holidays are more difficult.

I've been keeping busy. Making sure to spend time with friends and family the last few nights. The poker game on Saturday was a blast! That story will need to wait. Last night I went to my sister's house and had a wonderful time. But today, today it hit me. I wasn't prepared. I should have been.

I called this morning to wish my girls Merry Christmas and see how soon I could get them. My mother-in-law answered the phone. Her and my father-in-law live with EM. They had lived with us since before my children were born. I wished her Merry Christmas then asked to speak with my girls. Silence. "They aren't here", she finally replied. "Where are they?", I asked. Soon I found out they had stayed the night with EM, his girlfriend, and her four kids. I held my composure with my mother-in-law, but inside I was screaming. WTF!!!!!!!!!!!

A new picture formed in my mind. One I didn't like. This picture made me soooooo upset!!!!! My girls are having to share their dad on Christmas. They already resent the time and attention he gives his girlfriend and her kids. But on Christmas too? They are part of a new family now. One I don't belong too. That hurts.

To make matters worse, I then tried to call my girls on each of their cell phones. No answer. Then his phone. No answer. I felt so separated from them.

The day will get better I know. EM called while he was out on a food run. He will bring my girls in one hour. That knowledge finally calmed me and I was able to stop the flood of tears that have been spilling for almost an hour.

I'm glad I had online friends to talk to this morning. Thanks Waffles and Carmen!

Merry Christmas Everyone....